Title: Sex Object *
Author: Jessica Valenti
Rating: 3.75 stars / 5 stars
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Favorite Quote: “I aced the class.” Valenti, Jessica. Sex Object. E-book. Dey St. Books, 2016.
Review: Valenti’s memoir, Sex Object, provides insights into Valenti’s early life, early career, and early experiences of motherhood. See below for a (possibly incomplete) list of triggers, because this book has many, but Valenti brings a sense of levity (sometimes) to certain heavy topics, while still bringing much needed attention to the violence that women are faced with throughout their lives. She’s clearly a good writer whose story mirrors that of so many women and female-identifying folks that seeing it on the page (or listening to it on the audiobook - I did a bit of both) is both validating and educational.
My biggest criticism of this book, and part of it may be unfounded, given the fact that it is a memoir, and therefore is supposed to be largely about Valenti’s own experience, is her seemingly lack of awareness of the intersection of race with feminism. She markets herself as a strident feminist, and yet at no point does she seem to analyze how racism impacts the experience of non-white women. Now, as mentioned, this is a memoir. Since she is a white woman, it makes sense that much of the book is from that perspective. However, there are moments, like when she analyzes her sister’s blond hair, blue eyed beauty, and how that seemed preferred to her own looks, that were ripe for at least the acknowledgment that white feminism is very much a thing and that the experiences of women, although often similar, are also often impacted by things like racism, homophobia, etc., that she does not reckon with. (A similar criticism might be in the section where a boyfriend refers to her as bisexual when she is not and how there’s a level of fetishization occurring in that interaction that is also a place for feminism to develop and grow.)
About that Quote: I want to start off by saying this quote is absolutely horrifying. It’s not my favorite because I like what it stands for, or because I enjoyed this section of the book. I did not. I chose this as my favorite quote because it, more than anything else in the book, demonstrates Valenti’s power as a storyteller and a narrator. This line - 4 words at the end of a seemingly innocuous chapter - is bone-chilling in context. This is a book about how the author and the women in her life are the objects of sexual violence. So, an example of sexual violence or coercion should not come as a surprise, especially this far into the book.
And yet - this line forces readers to stop. To reflect. Because she doesn’t come out and say “so I gave him the hug he was asking for.” The reader has to come to that conclusion on their own. But she’s weaved that narrative throughout the chapter, barreling towards a seemingly inevitable end - that a young Valenti would be taken advantage of by a man in a position of power over her.
This is, of course, a core theme of the memoir. But for some reason, this, more so than the even more overt examples of violence and coercion that are found throughout the book, stopped me in my tracks, I think because of how powerful the writing is here.
TWs for Sex Object: R*pe, SA, sexual exploitation/behaviors towards children, sexist language, sexist threats, gender violence
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