Review - The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy by Lola Phoenix

Title: The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy*

Author: Lola Phoenix

Rating: 3.75 stars / 5 stars

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Favorite Quote: “I think it’s important for people, monogamous or polyamorous, to be comfortable with not having any romantic relationships in their life, because if you’re terrified of being single, you can end up staying in any kind of unfulfilling relationship simply to avoid being alone.” Phoenix, Lola. The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy. Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2022, e-book ed.

Review: Thank you to the Netgalley platform and the publisher, Jessica Kinsley Publishers, for the free e-ARC I received in exchange for this honest review.

As a person who hasn’t quite figured out what I want out of romantic relationships, picking up this book was more of a curiosity than looking for a how-to guide. So, I think my rating more than anything speaks to the fact that I likely wasn’t completely the audience for this book, though I think there were some pretty great insights.

On its face, this book provides advice to people who are interested in entering non-monogamous relationships - the dos, the don’ts, and the feelings/experiences to expect. Interspersed throughout are the author’s own experiences, entering into the world of non-monogamy.

What is even more fascinating to me, though, is the author including their experience with chronic illness as they navigate romantic relationships. As someone with chronic illness, I thought this particular part of the narrative was important because I think it paints a broader picture for individuals - that romantic relationships (monogamous or otherwise) don’t exist in a vacuum and to understand how you as an individual will exist in those relationships, or non-romantic relationships, is not just about you and another person or other people, but you and the multitudes that make you you. 

About that Quote: Much like what I discussed above about a holistic approach to existing in relationships, I think this quote speaks to what is important about finding relationships in general - and it’s interesting that so much of the advice found in this book  can apply to non-monogamous relationships, monogamous relationships, and non-romantic relationships such as friendships and family relationships. The basic message of this book is know yourself, love yourself, and learn where your boundaries are. And it’s okay if none of that comes naturally, as long as you’re working on it.

Have you read The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy? Share your thoughts below!